When God Writes Your Life Story

About a month ago, I finished my fifth, and one of the hardest, year of college. It was a very eventful and often stressful year, but a blessed one too. However, throughout the entire year, I got this question numerous times, by numerous people: "Do you graduate soon?" or "Do you graduate in May?" When I came home for the summer, friends who I do not have regular contact with asked "Are you graduated?" And quite honestly, I was getting rather tired of those questions. I wanted to get a shirt that said "When I graduate, you will be the first to know!" I was also asked if I had "a special man in my life" (The answer is no, I don't. And that's okay! Singleness is a gift for me right now)

Often, I am ashamed to admit, I  found myself complaining to my God. "Why am I taking six years to finish my undergraduate years?" "Why am I still working toward my Bachelor's at the age of twenty-three?" "Why am I still single?" I felt like I was "behind" in life, or perhaps taking too long to finish this stage of life, or "get on" with God's plan for my life. Did I make a mistake going to Ivy Tech for two years?

However,  God has slowly but surely been revealing to me this truth: God is a Creator and an Author. He isn't an inventor.

What I mean by this is my God writes unique plans for each of His children. None of them are the same. As I began looking at my Savior as a Creator and creative Writer, I could see His plans for my life a little more clearly. I am beginning to learn not to compare myself to others. For example, this past May many of my highschool friends graduated from college, and when I saw their graduation pictures on facebook, my heart would become a little jealous. But when I ran to Jesus with my jealously (and weariness from all the work in school) He always reminded me that His plans for me are not my plans (or my parents', the world's, et ctetera).  He would then help me to look back on the past five years of college and see how much He has worked in my life, blessed it beyond my imagination, changed my heart, and used me in other people's lives.

When you are open to following God's plan for your life, forsaking your own, He always does amazing things! For me, one of those was helping me develop very special and intimate relationships with my two best friends. One of them was taking one more semester in school (at Ball State) and in that semester, God changed her life completely around! And I was there to witnessed it! Had I finished school in four years, I probably wouldn't have been able to witness it, and she and I most likely wouldn't be the type of friends we are now. (Which is the very best, as close as sisters could be!) I couldn't ask for anything better. God used both of my best friends to really work on my heart, reveal some things to me, deepen my walk with Him, and change my heart. And I am thankful and humbled to say that He has apparently used me in their lives as well. Our friendships are a precious gifts and tremendous blessings I never saw coming. 

One of the greatest lessons God taught me was to not compare myself to others. As the only hard of hearing individual amongst my family and friends, it is often way too easy for me to compare myself to others. I am also in a stage in my life when so many friends are graduating, starting their careers, getting engaged, getting married.  This past year, I often found myself feeling sorry for myself because, as I saw it,  I was "stuck in the same stage of life as I was in highschool" When I compared myself to my graduated friends and even those who were getting married or engaged, I began complaining to my God "Why is it taking so long???" I felt out of place. I felt like a failure, a disappointment, a misfit. But the truth is, I am none of those things. Those are the labels the world gives me. Getting your Bachelor's in four years is the World's definition of "success". But it is by no means God's definition (I wonder if He even defines anything as "successful") God defines me as Redeemed, Precious, Chosen, His Daughter, His servant. Those are my true identities, though it is often easy to forget that when comparing oneself to the world.

It is true, it is taking me six years to finish college. (Two years at Ivy Tech didn't really help with the time, just the money :D )  But that is okay! Apparently, that was God's plan for my life. And I am okay with that! If I had finished college in four years, I wouldn't be friends with so many incredible people in my life. I wouldn't have had two incredible part time jobs at two different ChickfilA's (If I graduated in 2014, I most likely never would have applied at the Muncie ChickfilA) My best friend and I wouldn't have the joy of sharing the friendship we do now. I wouldn't have gotten to spend as much time with my siblings as I have (especially my brother, who is eleven years my junior. I possibly would have missed too many milestones for him and April because of a career). I wouldn't have had the privilege to work with the students I did last year at Indiana School for the Deaf because they would have been a grade younger than second, fifth, sixth and ninth  (which were the grades I worked with). But more importantly, I wouldn't learned to look to my God in my frustration, to trust Him completely with my life, or to abandon my own plans for my life and follow Him. I am beginning to learn to live moment by moment, not in the future. Now, I have made some plans for the next few years in my head (which hopefully includes teaching at ISD or a similar school) but I have also surrendered those plans to my King, knowing that the God who has provided for me in the past, can provide for the future! I am beginning to ask "So what's the plan, Lord?" instead of "Why are my plans failing or taking too long??" It really helps me to focus on my relationship with my King.

Last year, I was in a car wreck that very easily have taken my life or changed it. (God is a beautiful Protector!) And from that wreck, I learned to embrace each day, and LIVE each day for Him! All we are promised is today. Tomorrow isn't promised. While we should be careful to complete all the responsibilities He entrusts us with, I believe He also wants us to find joy and beauty in each day. To take time to Praise Him. To enjoy the relationships He gives us. To look at each day as a gift. I am not good at these things. Especially when I am stressed, worried, or frustrated with life. But, I am learning. I am learning to live like tomorrow isn't promised. To love all the amazing people He placed in my life.

My challenge to you is this: Surrender. Surrender your life to the Giver of Life. He is an amazing God who has such beautiful plans for His children. And He is a Creator. Of course each of our life story is unique! It is written specifically for each of us individually. Make plans, but let God be the one to carry them out. He will never disappoint.

Made to Worship!

WOW! The last post I wrote was on May 14, 2014!!! It is amazing how time gets away from us! A lot (and I mean a LOT) has happened in my life since then. Two good friends got married, I have been back on Ball State campus, my best friend moved away (although not too far!), my sister graduated from high school and started college. I could go on...

But the purpose of this post isn't to get all those who read my blog caught up on my life. (I mean, if you really care to know, you probably already do!) Instead, I mean to share some things that the Lord has revealed to me and comforted me with that I hope will be a blessing to all of you as well.

I think we ALL ask this question from time to time: What is my purpose in life? What am I here for? What great thing does God want to do in my life and through my life? Hate to break it to you all, but we weren't placed on earth or in the world we live in to do great things for His Kingdom. We weren't even placed on earth so that we could make God's earth a great place...it would probably do just fine without us (perhaps even better). God wanted company and His majesty and greatness deserves to be worshiped, so He created us to have fellowship with Him and to hear our voices sing praises to Him. It brings great joy to His ears and His Heart.

That isn't all to say that we are not to honor God with our lives and our work. By all means, we should! We should strive to honor and worship Him EVERYDAY! In the beginning of January, I was at a conference called SALT with Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship and it was an INCREDIBLE weekend of worship, fellowship, studying of the Word, reflection in our walk with God, lessons about how to live fruitful lives, you name it! But there was one thing that really stood out to me and one revelation that God spoke to me in my heart during worship (of all things) that I wish to share.

Ever since I was an adolescent, I have asked God to show me what my "purpose" was in life and His plans for me in His Kingdom. When I was old enough to understand that I was stillborn and the miracle that my life is and I realized that God has been working in my life since day one, I had been asking God to show me how He wanted to use me for His Kingdom and for what purpose it was that He spared me. I literally thought, "Okay, so now I need to prove to you God that I will make my life worthy of your mercy. I need to honor you in my life so I prove myself worthy of your grace!" I was so naive!! That is just foolishness, for several reasons:

1) God is about Grace, and grace is about the gift of life that He's given us.  We are alive and breathing because of God's grace and we are able to do everything that we do because of GRACE! It isn't because of our greatness. 1 Corinthians 15:10 says "By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain." God decided to let us live and breathe and honor Him just because He loves His creation that much! We cannot in anyway please Him enough to earn His grace or even prove ourselves "worthy of Grace". That defies the very definition of Grace! Grace is a free gift! Let us simply accept this gift, instead of trying to earn it!

2) We were created to worship Him! That isn't the only thing, but it sure is an important thing! His majesty DEMANDS to be worshiped. It might seem like a selfish thing of God, but it isn't. He is a jealous God and worship of Him is beautiful, holy, righteous and true.

So what does that have to do with my question of "What am I here for? Why did God rescue me, spare my life?" Well, God answered that question while I was at the SALT conference. I am alive because He wanted to hear my voice in worship and watch me worship Him with my hands (worship in ASL) and life. That is all. What a humbling thought! God didn't have to create me, but He did! (And if you tell me He didn't, that evolution did, then I would ask you "Then why don't I look just like everyone else or every monkey? I mean, they all look the same!").  He didn't have to spare my life at all when I was born, but He did! And why did He? Because He longed to be loved and worshiped by me! Wow! I don't know about you, but that is a humbling thought! Me? Who am I? A daughter of the King, that is who I am!

I was made to worship. We all worship something, but the only One that deserves to be worshiped is God. And I live to worship Him, to glorify His name.  I am not alive to do great works, although I should obey and do the work He sets before me to do. But in doing so, I should worship Him.

I am learning every day how to worship Him everyday, with every action, every thought, every passion I have, everything I am attatched to. I am learning to be attatched to Him!

I don't have to worship Him with some great works! If God asked me to worship Him by sweeping the streets in the ghetto areas of a city such as Chicago, then that I will do. He even deserves that kind of worship!

You and I were made to worship!