The purpose of this blog is not to complain, though it might seem like it at first. And it is not to make you, the reader, feel bad. I just wanted to give you a perspective of what it is like to be hard of hearing from my ears so that you (the reader) might learn how to help other people in your life who have a hearing loss lead an easier lifestyle. Also, my difficulties are what make me a better person. Learning to deal with not having perfect hearing teaches me so much more than I think even hearing people will ever learn. And I hope your eyes will be open to that. May my God enlighten you with my experiences, and may He grant you more compassion by understanding what it is like living with a disability (although, I try to turn it into an ability! :))
Growing up with a hearing loss and a little bit of a memory difficulty was definitely never easy. It came with numerous trials and sometimes some heartaches. I hated causing some frustration and, once in a while, heartache, for my parents and my siblings...mostly my parents. I knew that it was challenging for my mom and dad to have to raise their voices while still working on not sounding angry (which is not easy, I know. I saw how hard they worked on it). They were never angry with me when I had to ask them to repeat themselves (though they'd understandably showed frustration) and I appreciated that, but I knew it was also challenging. I hated being a "burden" in that sense, although now I knew that God had a purpose in that and my parents probably learned a lot while raising me.
Another challenging aspect of living with a hearing loss is not catching every part of a group conversation (and not having the guts to ask the group to repeat themselves). Sometimes (and this happens still) someone would say something funny and the whole group would start laughing, and I'd be sitting there, feeling a little left out, because I missed the punch line. And let's be honest, it just isn't the same when tells you the punch line for the second time. I hated (and still dislike) the feeling I get when I realize I missed a great group conversation.
Hearing aids are not very comfortable to wear. I can tell you that for sure! That is why I refuse to wear them to bed, even for a nap! This year while living at the Deaf School has been a blessing since I don't have to wear my hearing aids all day. They get so sore after a while! Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for my hearing aids! I wouldn't be able to be as independent as I am without them, and I probably wouldn't be as outgoing as I am now if I didn't have the blessing of being able to hear (kind of...it doesn't sound the same as being able to hear the real sounds, I would assume). But I am definitely looking forward to that day when after I embrace my Savior for the first time, He looks at me and says, "Let's take these out and throw them away! You can hear!" (At least, sometimes that is how I imagine it will go. Hehe)
Another challenge with being hard of hearing is asking people to repeat themselves. I honestly hate doing that. I feel like an inconvenience when I have to do that, although most people are really good at being patient and just slowing down and speaking more clearly. But I know it is annoying to some people sometimes and I don't like being a burden in that sense. I am not sorry I couldn't hear them at first because it is embarrassing for me. Because it honestly isn't embarrassing to ask people to repeat themselves. I don't like giving them more work to do, or delaying our conversation. But I am thankful that most people don't let this inconvenience be a burden. It is the understanding of these people that give me confidence to hold a conversation with others.
I absolutely love music!!! Love it, love it, love it! I wish I had the time and means to play my instruments every single day for hours, especially my piano. I am by no means an accomplished pianist, but I LOVE to hear the piano just the same. It is a beautiful sound! But, I wish I could hear what the piano sounds like for real. If it is beautiful to my imperfect ears that makes the sound muffled and "electronic", I am sure it is absolutely GORGEOUS when one listens to it with perfect hearing. I asked God to give me a grand piano so I can worship Him in my eternal home, and I cannot wait to hear it's beautiful sound!
But you know what? Even with the various difficulties that come with having a hearing loss, I wouldn't trade it for a life with perfect hearing at all!!! My hearing loss has actually drawn me closer to my Savior, and it is through my hearing loss that I am able to reach out to other people. When I am having a frustrating day because I am not hearing others very well (which most often occurs at Chick fil A), I remind myself to lean on Jesus. It is through my hearing loss that I've grown more dependent on Him and it has caused me to run to Him more, which is beautiful! I have learned the love of my Savior when I've called on Him to help me hear people better, and He answers. And I've learned to be very patient with others, what it means to love others above myself, and to let Jesus be my ears. And I have such a compassion for those who are Deaf. I believe my hearing loss is what is going to make me a compassionate and understanding teacher for the deaf and hard of hearing, and I hope to be a good role model for them.
But the number one reason I wouldn't trade my hearing loss for perfect hearing in this life is because I know that the first thing I'll ever hear perfectly is the voice of my Savior. That will be such a sweet, sweet sound! I know His voice is the most beautiful thing ever to be heard, and I am so thankful that that will be the very first thing I will truly hear. And it is so worth the wait.
My hearing loss is truly a blessing in disguise, my cross to bear. And I bear it gladly, leaning on my Savior. (I must say though, I am thankful He gave people the gift to make hearing aids for people like me!) It is through my hearing loss that He has given me so much compassion for other people who have a hearing loss, who are completely deaf, or have other disabilities. And it has taught me patience. When others get frustrated with me, I remember how difficult it is for them to not truly understand what it is like to be in my shoes, and instead of becoming frustrated with them in turn, Jesus has been teaching me to be compassionate and understanding with them. I think that sometimes, God uses my patience and compassion with others to lead others closer to Him. If that isn't true, then may that be my new prayer.
My word of advice to all of you who are reading this is this: If God has given you a cross to bear, ask Him to show you how to use it for His glory. How does He want you to use your struggles to reach out to the lost, and those who are stumbling in their walk with God (which will definitely be every person in your life.)? And how can you use your difficulty to grow more dependent on your Savior? I won't promise you these are easy lessons, because they are not. But the reward...the reward of knowing your Savior on a deeper level and having such a desire for Him....is worth ALL the heartache.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" ~ James 1:2-4
P.S. It is really nice to be able to "turn my ears off" to annoying sounds too!
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